You complete me, and other nonsense.

by Rachel on August 2, 2013

I’m getting married next year. For someone from the south, I’m a little old to be tying the knot (ripe age of 33).

Since we announced our upcoming wedding, I’ve received a lot of congratulations. Which is great. People are genuinely happy for me. Yay me. 🙂

I have noticed a few people don’t seem to be happy for the same reason I am.

I’m happy because I love my fiancé; I’m excited to spend my life with him. I’m excited about the adventures we will have. I agree wholeheartedly with Audrey Hepburn:“If I get married, I want to be very married”. 

There are a few are acting like marriage will complete me. Insinuating that I was not complete without marriage. That marriage is something I’m finally accomplishing after years of searching. That marriage and babies are my life’s purpose.

None of that is true.

I am very sure that I am complete with or without a partner. I have fully learned that my happiness is dependent on me, not another person (a valuable, but painful lesson).

I have been both happy and sad single. I’m sure I will be both happy and sad married.

I’ve never searched for a husband or felt incomplete without one. That is because I have awesome parents. 

The way they raised me and my three sisters is rare.

Not once in my childhood did my parents mention getting married someday or that marriage was a goal I should have. The goals they taught me to have focused on my dreams.

Even in high school I saw moms push their daughters (my friends) into relationships.

Other girls were groomed only to be wives; not to be their own person or go after their own dreams. Even worse, some were told to ‘settle’, because ‘who knows when a better offer will come’.

My parents were the opposite.

They instilled in us is that we should love God and accomplish our goals. It was all about being whoever/whatever we wanted to be. Never settling. They raised me to be independent, so I wouldn’t be looking for or in need of ‘an offer’.

They helped us to be so proud of who we were that it didn’t shake us when people, while sadly shaking their heads, said ‘are your parents sad they don’t have any sons’?  or ‘your poor dad, no sons to carry on his name’.

I would make a joke about us being athletic or that he raised us all to be successful. And then mentally cringe.

Not because my feelings were hurt or because I had pity for my sonless father.

But because I was speaking to a ridiculous person.

I have no idea if my dad was disappointed that none of us were boys. As a kid, it never occurred to me to think about it. Neither of my parents ever mentioned it. They were always so proud of us – they never mentioned they could be prouder if we were male. Or that our family was incomplete.

For that, I am so thankful.

I see some of my peers get more excited about having boys than girls. They make comments about ‘finally having a boy’ – in front of their daughters. Like their daughters were errors on their way to a son.

Why?

So your son can inherit your kingdom?

Are you worried about not getting enough goats for your daughter’s hand?

Come on people. It is time to let go of that nonsense.

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