The road less travelled. . .
I have been floundering a bit. Anytime you are living in between two choices it can get a bit uncomfortable.
I started a business and then it just floundered – I developed serious upper limit issue. But it was more than that – I didn’t want to do what I had started doing. I fell apart. In a million little pieces. Without a goal – I become a tad self-destructive.
Anyway, after my meltdown, I thought maybe I needed some sort of structure – in other words – time for a regular job!!! I took about a month to work on my résumé. And started applying around Christmas. Great time to try to get a job huh?
After a lot of thought – I know that is not what I want. For one, ick. No offense to 9 − 5’ers, but I got out of that world for a reason (though my regular job was a bit more of the 80 hour-a-week variety). Sometimes I miss that life – but missing work provided happy hours is not a reason to go back to a regular job. My life is a happy hour.
I returned to bouncing from idea to idea – dream to dream. In fact, one of my friends called me the girl who cried wolf the other night. Because I go from wanting to be a flight attendant to going back to accounting. I’m still a 7-year-old who changes what they want to do every day – it stems a bit from wanting to do everything and a bit from ADD. More than a bit from the reality that my life can be whatever I want it to be – I want it to be everything.
I have never meant to be misleading or flaky about my life. But at times I am. Though I prefer the phrase ‘free spirit’ instead of ‘flaky’. I don’t like planning. I have an aversion to signing leases. The idea of buying a home gives me the emotional equivalent of heart palpitations. I have belongings in Virginia, Tennessee, Arkansas, and Texas.
Really, I’m already a hobo or nomad – I’m just not very efficient at it. I’m the most inefficient nomad ever. Most of this year I had 2 apartments – one in Austin, TX and one in Arlington, VA.
I hung out with one of my friends the week after Christmas who was going to spend the New Year in Havana, and then do all these other amazing things in South America. I remembered how I used to do things – concerts, trips, sporting events, new experiences. This year the biggest things I accomplished were
• 3 weeks on the Appalachian Trail
• I made some people a lot of money
• Played football
- That isn’t a shabby list – but I want to do more. See more.
I made a decision – I’m not going to have a permanent home. I’m selling most of my stuff, in all locations. I will keep some furniture and artwork at my parents because its sentimental. Maybe a box or two of books that I don’t want to let go of yet (books are my thing).
That was my decision. To just go – not have a permanent home. I was only on the Appalachian Trail for 3 weeks, but I loved being in a different place almost every night and carrying everything on my back. At first I was excited. Then I became terrified. Then very, very sad. But the reason I am sad is not because it’s the wrong decision. It’s because I have always been terrified of doing this by myself.
I made the decision. I started a bucket list that already has about 400 things on it.
But I won’t be by myself. I know I won’t ever be homeless. I can always come back here or go somewhere else. Tonight I put my tv on Craigslist. That was a defining moment. It might sound silly – but I loved my tv.
I know that I might not leave Virginia immediately. Because I don’t want a plan. I want to be ok in the in-between. I will make money doing business coaching/consulting – most places I go I will need internet access.
The “sort of plan” is to be in Virginia until the end of January, then go to Atlanta for about a month. Then see my family, make a stop in Dallas, go to Austin and then fly to India for a month or so. After that – I have no idea. I might travel more internationally, or I might come back to the US and buy an airstream trailer (the only home I’m comfortable buying).
I keep thinking I should ask someone’s permission to do this. I don’t have to ask anyone’s permission. This is my life. I am the captain of my ship. I don’t have to ask for permission, I’m 31 years old.
I’m scared I will miss something here. But I’m more scared I will be here in a year, wishing again that I had done more.
Putting this out there is scary, because I do change my mind a lot. I want to do this. I am not saying how long I will be without a permanent home. It might be 2 months or 20 years.
The purpose of the blog is for me to talk about stepping out of the box and have new experiences. What better way?
Until I leave, I’m going to write about getting ready to leave. Maybe other things that happen – I do still want new experiences.
As I finish writing this, I realize I’m very excited about letting go of things!!!
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